Snape's Secret
by flutterby311
Summary: Severus Snape is always seen as a cold meanie. Which he is, but he also has a fun side too. So what does Snape do to unwind after a particularly harrowing day? Let’s just say that it would ruin him if it ever got out.


**A/N:** This was originally posted on in response to firefawn's challenge, 'Give Snape a hidden vice.' So here it is, slight OOC on Snape's part, but I mustn't ruin the surprise now. Hope you enjoy it!

**Disclaimer** Alright, Let's have a vote. Who thinks I should own Harry Potter? Any one? C'mon! Dammit, still not mine. I also do not make any profit from this. Nor do I own ABBA…and frankly, I don't want to.

**Snape's Secret**

"EEEEEEEEP!" came the ear-splitting shriek of a first year Hufflepuff girl. Severus Snape massaged his temples. He absolutely hated teaching eleven year old girls. "What is it now?" he snapped.

"I'm not touching a bug!" came the reply from the Hufflepuff girl. Snape suppressed the urge to throttle the girl. He knew from past experience that it wasn't the best idea. Something about students and their safety in some book somewhere. Unfortunately Snape had learned the hard way.

"Ten points from Hufflepuff," Snape snapped again. Was it him, or did the first years get more annoying every year? "And ten more points from Hufflepuff if you don't continue your assignment." Snape gave a small smile to himself. He liked taking away points; it was one of the few joys in his miserable life. Snape continued stalking around the classroom, ignoring the groan and mutters from the Hufflepuff girl. Snape knew that he wasn't liked by the students. Actually, he preferred that they didn't like him; usually they annoyed him less that way.

The class didn't end soon enough for Snape. He set the first years a particularly nasty essay as homework, mainly because he was bitter, annoyed and it gave him some sick pleasure. Snape stalked out of the classroom barking at the first years to get out of his way. He wanted to get to the sanctuary of his office as soon as possible. He now had the biggest headache. The first years were just a bunch of whining cry babies who couldn't brew a potion to save their lives. And there was that group of Ravenclaw girls who must have the shrillest laughs ever. Yes, today wasn't a good day for Severus Snape.

_Thank God classes are over,_ he thought. Now there was only an Occlumency lesson with Potter. Snape massaged his temples as he continued on his way. Potter wasn't even trying to learn, there was no point to the lessons. Potter was possibly the least likely person on the face of the planet to be able to learn Occlumency. It didn't help that Potter hated Snape and that the feeling was mutual on Snape's side of the deal. But Dumbledore insisted on them, even though Snape protested every chance he got. In Snape's opinion, it wasn't one of Dumbledore's more brilliant ideas. In fact, it was a terrible idea. But it did give Snape and extra reason to be mean to Potter, though it hardly made up for the hour of his life he lost teaching Potter. Snape's mood grew fouler, if that was possible. Unfortunately for the first year Hufflepuffs got in his way.

"Detention!" Snape snapped as the Hufflepuffs scurried out of his way. "Ten points from Hufflepuff!" Snape felt somewhat better after taking points away, but he still had a headache. _I need a drink._

Snape finally got to his office and he shut himself inside. It was a dark, dank room, much like Snape himself, therefore he liked it immensely. After pouring himself a nice drink of firewhisky he sat down at his desk. He pulled out the fifth year essays and began to mark them. Weasley…'P'. Malfoy…'E'. Granger…'E'. Goyle…'A'. Potter…Snape was very tempted to put a very big 'T' on the paper but he knew that Dumbledore would make him change it. Something about being fair to all students, even if you detested them with every fibre of your being. So instead he put a very large, very red 'D.' Snape set his quill down and poured himself some more firewhisky. After taking a long drink, he looked around his office. That's when his eyes found the trunk in the corner.

_It couldn't hurt…_ Snape thought, but he quickly shook that thought from his head. Snape tried to push the trunk from his mind and went back to marking papers. After another fifteen minutes or so though Snape realised that he couldn't mark anymore papers without going insane. Well, more insane seeing as his first year class pretty much made him snap. And his head still hurt. So he poured more firewhisky. Snape had forgotten how much he really did like firewhisky. He checked his watch; there was still an hour before Potter was due for his lesson. Snape glanced at the trunk in the corner again.

_It really couldn't hurt…_ Snape reasoned.

**But someone could show up.** Snape argued with himself.

_But I need to relax._ Snape retaliated.

**Someone could hear.** Snape thought.

The inner war between himself could have gone on all night, but Snape ended up taking another sip of the firewhisky. In the end the firewhisky and Snape's 'wild' side won out. He stood up and opened the trunk. He pulled out his old record player and set it on his desk, blowing off all the dust. The dust sent him into a sneezing fit and he ended up tripping and landing in his opened trunk. Grumbling he pulled himself out and began searching through it. Finally he found what he was looking for and he put his favourite record in and started it up.

_Friday night and the lights are low  
Looking out for the place to go  
Where they play the right music, getting in the swing  
You come in to look for a king  
Anybody could be that guy  
Night is young and the music's high  
With a bit of rock music, everything is fine  
You're in the mood for a dance  
And when you get the chance..._

The record player warbled on. Snape gave a rare smile. He had forgotten how much he like that song. It was one of his few happy memories from school.

_You are the Dancing Queen, young and sweet, only seventeen  
Dancing Queen, feel the beat from the tambourine  
You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life  
See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the Dancing Queen_

And then Snape did something no student would ever have bet on in a million years…he began to dance. Around the office, on his desk, on his chair. When he was on his desk he knocked over the firewhisky bottle (which was almost empty by now), but he didn't care anymore. He was happy again and that was all that mattered. He went back to the trunk when the song finished and pulled out his feather boa. It was pink and fluffy, just the way he remembered it. He had forgotten about his boa. It had been a present from an eccentric aunt who thought that Snape was a girl. But that didn't matter to Snape, he loved his boa. Okay, he was five when he got it and didn't know better, but that doesn't matter. Snape draped it around himself and started dancing again.

Snape didn't like muggles all that much, but he did give them credit for good music. "You are the Dancing Queen, young and sweet, only seventeen. Dancing Queen, feel the beat from the tambourine. You can dance; you can jive, having the time of your life. See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the Dancing Queen," Snape sung along to the record. Snape knew that he didn't have the best voice (in fact he sounded like a dying cat) but singing along made him feel happy. Feeling happy for Severus Snape was a big deal since his only happiness came from torturing Gryffindors. Especially Potter. But even that novelty was wearing off after five years.

Snape didn't remember when exactly he had first heard the muggle group 'ABBA' but he knew that he had liked them right away. In fact he liked them so much that he bought all of their records, which were now stored in his trunk. He memorized every single song. Snape even bought a muggle television so he could watch the 'music videos.' Snape learned all the videos at once, mainly because he magically set his television so it would only play 'ABBA' videos twenty four seven. He then would watch it every chance he got and burned them into his brain. He even taught himself all the dance moves that went along with each song. This was what he was doing when he pranced around the room. Snape was surprised that he remembered it all, but he supposed that after living, eating, breathing, sleeping 'ABBA' for several years of his childhood that it wouldn't just go away.

Snape didn't just like 'ABBA,' he was obsessed with them. He even went as far once as researching the muggle fashions of the day and buying muggle clothes. He then found out 'ABBA's tour schedule and buying a ticket for every concert date and following them around to every concert. After the fourth or fifth concert though security noticed 'the weirdo' at every concert and he was banned. But that didn't stop Snape; he was determined to see every concert, even though they were all the same. He used magic to get in when the guards at the gate didn't allow him entrance. Unfortunately he was spotted and then branded what muggles call a 'stalker.'

Snape went back to his trunk and dug through it. After a few minutes he found what he was looking for. His 'ABBA' dolls. He pulled them out, along with all their different outfits, and jumped up onto his desk. He sat down cross legged and began to gently brush out their hair. After he finished he put his favourite outfits on them. By now 'Dancing Queen' had finished but Snape started it up again. He then used his dollies and put on a concert with them. He'd move the dolls every time they were supposed to sing. He also moved them in some semblance of the dance moves that they were supposed to do. All the while singing along with his dying cat voice. Perhaps this was the reason that he didn't hear Harry Potter knock at the door. Perhaps it was cruel fate. Or perhaps it was all the firewhisky he had consumed earlier. Whatever the reason, he didn't hear Potter arrive for his Occlumency lesson.

Harry Potter arrived exactly at the time he was supposed to for his lesson with Snape. Harry knocked on the door, but there was no answer. So he knocked again. And again. But Snape didn't answer the door or tell him to come in. Harry then wondered if he had the right day and time, but he was pretty sure he was right. Harry pressed his ear against the door to see if he could hear Snape inside his office. Harry heard what he thought was the most awful music he had ever heard. And what sounded like a cat dying. Curious Harry tried the door handle. It was unlocked. So naturally Harry opened the door. And he saw Professor Snape sitting on his desk, wearing a pink feather boa, playing with dolls and singing along to 'ABBA.' Harry was stunned momentarily. This was possibly the funniest thing he had ever witnessed in his short life. Harry doubled over in laughter, clutching the door for support so he didn't fall over completely. Harry was laughing so hard that tears were welling up in his eyes and a stitch was forming in his side.

Snape's reaction to Harry barging in was far from uncontrollable laughter. It was more of a stunned look in the beginning, which slowly turned to uncontrollable rage. Unfortunately the rage didn't help him think of something to say or do to explain the situation he was in. Instead he flung one of his dolls at Harry. This caused Harry to sink all the way to the floor with laughter. Harry could barely breathe because he was laughing so hard. This latest fit of laughter seemed to knock some sense into Snape. He jumped off his desk and whipped his wand out. He pointed it at the laughing Harry (who was curled up into a ball and shaking with laughter) and yelled, "**Obliviate**!" Everything went black for Harry. Snape quickly put all of his things back into his trunk and locked it. Snape then pushed Harry outside his door and stood him up. Snape then went back into his office and sat at his desk.

Harry opened his eyes and blinked. Where was he? Harry looked around. He appeared to be outside of Snape's office. But why? Then Harry remembered his Occlumency and hoped Snape wouldn't be to mad because he was late. Harry knocked on the door and heard 'come in.' Harry opened the door and sat down at the chair in front of Snape's desk. "You're late Potter. Ten points from Gryffindor." Snape then began his usual routine of putting his memories into Dumbledore's pensieve. Oddly enough though, Harry noticed that Snape added one more memory than normal.


End file.
